17 May

Words from my dear friend’s sweet heart: “I sit here and question God all the time. I wonder why I can’t see him like others do. I wonder why I can’t feel him like others do. I wonder why I can’t hear him like others do. Yet this whole time He’s been trying to get through to me. I’ve been putting the blame on Him, thinking He just doesn’t care. There is no one to blame, but myself. He’s been revealing himself to me, but I’ve chosen to not see him. He’s been trying to comfort and heal me, but I haven’t let him. He’s been trying to speak to me, but I’ve chosen not to listen. I’ve been waiting for some big miraculous sign, one that will prove His existence and His love for me. Who do I think I am? His proof is His creation, the people He surrounds me with, the subtle way He speaks to me even when I don’t want to hear it. God can work in crazy big ways, but more often than not he is the quiet whisper in your ear, the million little stars you see at night, and the friends that stick by you no matter what. God isn’t the one to blame. It’s me. God has always been there and rather than choosing to acknowledge that, I’ve chosen to seek other things. The problem isn’t that God isn’t pursuing me or speaking to me, it’s that I haven’t been seeking him. Jesus has always been there and always will be, no matter what. He gives us signs of His love everyday, we just tend to overlook them.”  Her words remind me of David wrestling with God throughout the book of Psalms. I think each and every one of us question God’s presence, yet he is always there. We all wrestle with God. And in the end it deeply strengthens our faith and trust in God.

Psalm 13 // How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me.


One Response to “”

  1. Curtis Atneosen May 18, 2013 at 2:55 pm #

    Lauren, Thanks for sharing this. The early disciples had the rich privilege of seeing Jesus after he rose again. We live by faith, and believe as Peter the apostle writes, even though we don’t see. At nearly 75 I find questions wondering about in my brain. One book has helped me in my life long faith journey… “God in the Dark: The Assurance of Faith Beyond a Shadow of Doubt” Os Guinness (Author) Sharing these wonderings helps all of us on our journey. GPAtneosen It also earlier had the title “In Two Minds: the nature of Christian doubt.”

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