hope amidst mumbled thoughts

23 Feb

This semester I have some great classes I am excited about. Biblical Theology of Poverty. Christian Theology. Qualitative Research Methods. HIV/AIDS: Anatomy of a Pandemic. Somehow they all seem to connect…  to my experience in Cambodia…. to things I am passionate about. They all connect with seeking God’s heart and the marginalized in our communities.  Not only am I learning a lot about God through my classes, but through my personal journey.

These past weeks I have been wrestling with God. I’ve written multiple drafts with painfully disconnected thoughts. I have been searching for God’s heart and hopes for my life. As I questioned, cried, felt afraid, guilty, selfish, useless, I overall felt hopeless. My heart is burdened for those around the world, those in desperate need of help and love. It’s been a rough path; luckily God placed such wonderful encouragement in my life. Thanks to a note of encouragement and insight with a peek into my auntie’s heart, I think I am figuring it out. God has been stretching me to truly completely seek Him, because there IS hope.

For years, I have been wearing a ring that has “HOPE” inscribed on it.  At first, it was a reminder of hope in the fight against cancer, as I joined the Johnston family at Relay for Life each year. Hope for a cure. Then it took on a new meaning as my family endured various heartaches. Slowly my ring takes on new reminders: hope for bright future for my middle schoolers, hope for homes for my homeless guys, hope for pain free and joy filled lives for my Special Olympics pals. Eventually “hope” took on a whole new meaning as I traveled Cambodia. As I look to the disabled community in Ghana I pray for hope. As I get angry at oblivious wealthy American lifestyles: hope.  Hope empowers positive change.  As I seek God’s heart: hope. As I turn my life over to God: hope.

Romans 12:12, 15:13 // Rejoice in HOPE, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. …. May the GOD OF HOPE fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in HOPE.

Jeremiah 29:11 // For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a HOPE.

Hebrews 6:18-19 // God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the HOPE set before us may be greatly encouraged. We have this HOPE as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.




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